


The Endorphin Substitution

by weasleytook



Category: Big Bang Theory
Genre: 1000-5000 Words, Chaptered, Friendship, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-06
Updated: 2010-04-15
Packaged: 2017-10-08 18:03:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/78113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weasleytook/pseuds/weasleytook
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a break-up,  Penny decides she no longer wants to have 36 hours of rebound sex so she goes to the guys for advice and distractions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Penny stares at the metal plate on the door as if it's going to suddenly start telling her all the answers she's seeking. She even squints and wrinkles her nose because maybe if she tries hard enough she'll see what the '4' and the 'A' are hiding in between the lines.

She had become way too used to just walking in to the apartment across the hall. But now that she and Leonard have broken up, she's not sure if she's supposed to knock or what. It's only been five days and she's sure that her face is the last one Leonard wants to see.

So she just does what Sheldon would do.

_Knock knock knock._ "Sheldon?"

Okay. That was kind of kittenish. She may have actually mewed. So she clears her throat and does it again. Louder.

_Knock knock knock._ "Sheldon?"

Nothing. Of course, this is Sheldon. He's waiting for the third reiteration and she knows it.

_Knock knock knock._ "Sheldon!"

The door swings open almost immediately and Sheldon seems taller. Or she feels shorter. She knows neither is true. But forcing herself to go to Sheldon for a favor makes it feel that way.

"I see you've finally learned how to properly ask for admittance to someone's residence."

Penny attempts to look around him to see if he's alone and nods. "Yeah, good for me, right?"

"Leonard's not here."

"Good. I came here to see you actually. I need to ask you something."

Sheldon steps back and motions her inside. "Okay then…"

She hears the door click shut behind her as she takes a seat at the end of the couch. Her fingers tug at the edge of her tank top where the seam is coming apart while Sheldon sits down in his spot.

"Is Leonard okay?"

"Besides the insipid whiny music at all hours of the day and his constant internet searches for hypoallergenic cats, yes. Leonard will be fine. Is that really what you came here to ask me?"

She stops pulling at the thread in her shirt and looks up at him. "No. Are you and I – still friends?"

Sheldon shrugs as if she never needed to ask. And maybe she didn't. "Of course we are. Our relationship was never dependent on whether you and Leonard were engaged in coitus, so I don't see why that should change now."

"That's… uhm… sweet. I guess. Thanks."

Sheldon is still staring at her as she thoughtfully chews at one corner of her lip. "Did you have something else to ask or may I return to watching Shark Week?"

In all her angst, she had forgotten it was Shark Week. Shark Week was like Christmas around here.

"There's something else. A favor. A really big favor."

Now he looks concerned. So she smiles. Awkwardly. That doesn't help. His eyebrows start slowly creeping up his forehead. "Go ahead."

Penny sits up straight, smoothes her hair and tucks it behind her ears as she takes a deep breath in. Because, yeah, that was going to makes this easier. Sure.

"Normally when I break up with a guy, I go out, find some other guy and have like 36 hours of rebound sex, so I –"

Sheldon scoots as far into the corner of the couch as he can go. She is sure that if he could have found a way to slip under the cushion he would have. He turns so pale that she can practically see through his skin.

"Penny – I – I'm not sure that is – I don't think – I mean – well, that would really complicate things. But if you really need a favor – we – well – I -"

Wait. He was actually considering this. Maybe? Oh no.

"Sheldon, no. That's not what I meant. I'm not asking you for sex. Please return to your normal coherent self, okay? Cause this – " she waves her hands at him manically, "This is freaking me out."

Sheldon seems to exhale with his entire body and his attempt at a relieved smile comes off a bit shaky. "Oh good. Okay. No offense but –"

"Don't worry, none taken. I'm asking you, big brain scientist guy, what would you recommend to like… replace that feeling?"

"So you don't want to have sex with anyone?"

Okay. So asking Sheldon for help may not have been one of her best ideas ever.

"Well, not right now. In the past, I don't exactly feel that great after the 36 hours is over… emotionally. You know? But at the same time…"

"You wish to feel the pleasure you get from the release of endorphins during orgasm without actually engaging in intercourse."

Now she wishes she could sink in to the couch cushions.

"Well, when you say it like that… I mean, that was so hot, Sheldon. It really makes me re-consider that offer of sex."

His eyes narrow. "Sarcasm?"

"Oh God, yes. Just tell me how to get those endorphin thingies without you know… sex. Please."

"Okay. You could exercise."

She wrinkles her nose up with distaste. Her idea of exercise is waiting tables. Everything else involves sweat, the outdoors or being ogled at the gym by the creepiest guys in Southern California.

"Ehhhh."

"Well, if not exercise… you need an activity that exerts energy but also allows release of tension."

Penny nods slowly. "Yeah. Release. That's it."

That comes out a bit dirtier than she intends, but it is pretty accurate.

"Okay. I actually have a few ideas that might work. I just have to do some research."

Sheldon stands and heads to his desk, booting up his computer immediately. Penny slumps in her seat and stares at the back of him.

"Uhm. Just one thing. If this involves robots for any reason, then count me out."

Whenever they bring robots in to it, things just don't end well.


	2. Chapter 2

"Howard, if you check that harness one more time, I'm going to throw you off this bridge without the cord attached."

"Sorry. I'm an engineer and I just want to make sure this is entirely safe before we… you know…"

Penny rolls her eyes and turns toward Sheldon and Raj. "I thought he was supposed to be the adventurous one."

Raj gives her a shrug and Sheldon says nothing.

"So are you two sure you don't want to join us?"

Raj leans over and whispers in Howard's ear and Howard repeats him dryly. "Raj doesn't want to upset his bladder."

"Of course." All she can think is 'Poor Raj'. He should really have that bladder problem checked out. "Sheldon? Come on… it might be fun."

Sheldon gives her the look. That look. The one that says he'd rather be locked in a room for all eternity with Kripke and Leslie Winkle before bungee jumping.

"Don't you remember what happened when I tried rock climbing? And that was only twenty feet off the ground."

Penny nods in understanding. She wasn't there to witness it but she heard Howard's dramatic retelling more times than she can count. Before she can say anything, they are calling for her group to come over and prepare to jump.

She looks to her friends for encouragement. Raj gives her a wide smile and two thumbs up while Sheldon's face begins to contort as he searches for the proper thing to say. She waits.

"Statistically, very few people have died while bungee jumping in relation to the number who have successfully jumped. This company is properly licensed and had the highest safety rating in Southern California when I checked online. I believe it's highly unlikely you will die."

Penny realizes that's Sheldon's way of saying 'have fun', so she just smiles brightly in return. "Thanks, Sheldon."

She heads over to the platform with Howard and the guy running the jump looks from him to her and then back to her. "So which one of you wants to go first?"

"Howard?"

"Oh no. Ladies first."

"Nah. You should go."

Howard looks at her with complete seriousness and takes a breath inward. "Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock to decide it?"

"Fine. Ready?"

Oh. She's totally got this. These guys are too easy. Penny and Howard do the hand motions and speak in unison.

"Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock."

"Damnit."

She's lizard. He's Spock. The guys are always Spock and Penny always wins. She winks as she slaps him on the back.

"Good luck, Howard. See you soon."

Howard grimaces and she watches as they strap his harness to the cord. It looks safe to her. Secure. But Howard weighs less than her (a thought that always makes her frown) so maybe she should be worried. When they give him the count, he jumps as directed and she hears a torrent of Hebrew words shouted as he goes down. On the way up it turns in to words she recognizes, ones they can only say in R-rated movies.

She can't help but laugh as she looks over the bridge and it actually takes away some of her own nerves. When he's finally back up and on his feet, she feels compelled to hug him. She's dismissed him as a bit of a creep in the past, but he did jump off a bridge just so she wouldn't have to do it alone and that means more than she can say.

He wishes her luck as they hook her up for her turn and Penny just nods and closes her eyes as she listens to the instructions. The countdown ends and all of her nerves are gone in an instant. Her feet leave the platform and she feels the cool air hit her face as she falls. It's like nothing she's felt before. She feels complete freedom. None of her problems seem to matter in this moment. She knows she's making some sort of noise, but she can't hear herself over the rushing of wind in her ears.

When it's over, she wishes she could do it again instantly. And when they bring her back to the platform, she's a little wobbly from all the excitement. She heads back to her friends and both Sheldon and Raj have to grab one of her arms because her knees start to buckle.

"That was amazing. AMAZING."

Sheldon looks at her curiously. "Better than coitus?"

"Well…"

Howard interjects with a smirk. "At least better than sex with Leonard, right?"

Penny gives him a mildly threatening look but she's too excited to be mad about it. "Not better than sex. Just… different."

Sheldon looks at her like he's studying something. "Your smile is certainly brighter than I have seen it in months."

Just as she's wishing she had a mirror to see the smile on her face Sheldon is talking about, she hears the fake shutter sound of Raj's camera phone as he's capturing the moment. It's the picture that will become her Facebook default for the next 3 months.


	3. Chapter 3

"Penny. We have had this conversation before. I do not dance."

Penny leans against the bar and grins at him. "Then why did you come to a club? You know. A place where people DANCE."

Sheldon smooths out the edges of the napkin resting under his Diet Coke and replies, "As you are already aware, I am not a fan of the loud, obnoxious music, the dancing or any other aspect of this particular social ritual."

"Sooooooo…"

"I promised, as a friend, I would help you through this break-up with Leonard. If this is part of that, then I am here for you despite my objections."

She takes a sip of her drink and smiles back at him. "Shouldn't you guys be helping Leonard instead of me?"

Sheldon shrugs nonchalantly. "I assure you that Leonard is best left to himself during times like these. Raj made him an iTunes playlist of appropriate break-up music and I'm sure he's at home singing at the top of his lungs as we speak."

"So the truth is, you'd rather be in a loud annoying night club then have to listen to Leonard sing?"

Sheldon remains tight-lipped but the look on his face says it all. Before she has a chance to prod him any further, Raj returns from the bathroom. Penny grabs the drink on the bar next to hers and hands it over to him. He looks at it and then back at her as if to ask what is in it.

"Uhm. There's vodka… and some different fruity juices. You'll like it. Just try not to act like a jerk tonight, please."

Raj takes a long drink and answers her immediately after. "I promise I will be a gentleman. Where's Howard?"

Her head tilts to the left where Howard is on the other side of the bar talking to a woman that towers over him.

"He's trying out those new pick-up lines he found on the internet yesterday."

"Doesn't seem to be working."

"Do they ever?"

"Not really. So, are you ready?"

Penny nods and grabs his hand to lead him to the dance floor. She waits for him to start and when he does, it's unlike any kind of dancing she's ever seen before. It's certainly not cool or sexy. There are parts of it where his legs flail out to the side, and other parts where his arms seem to move independently of the rest of his body. Strange is the only word that comes to mind.

But what she notices more than that is the crazy smile on his face. This is a man who does not care about looking cool or sexy. That much is obvious. Penny thinks of all the times she's been in a club just like this and spent way too much time caring about her dress, her hair or how good of a dancer she is. Then there's Raj in his sweater vest and jacket dancing like he's the only one in the room. So she watches him and then joins in, stealing a few of his moves as she does.

It's something brand new to her and it feels beyond great.

She knows she often worries too much about how others see her, but in this moment, she doesn't care how dumb she looks or who might be watching her. She's having fun. Actual fun with no hang-ups or worries. She thought jumping off a bridge felt freeing, but this feels like an out of body experience.

They take breaks every few songs and she buys more drinks for him and they talk just like two people who have three years of conversations to catch up. She finds out he's just as funny as Howard and by the end of the night, she actually feels like she knows Raj.

They dance until they are both exhausted and when it's time to leave Raj goes to find Howard while she and Sheldon head outside to find a taxi. She's not drunk and the tiny buzz she has is more from the dancing and conversation instead of the alcohol.  
Penny leans against Sheldon for support, not caring for a second that it probably bugs him. If it does, he doesn't ask her to move.

"Penny."

"Sheeeeeldon."

"When are you going to tell Raj he was only drinking cranberry and pineapple juice all night long?"

She laughs softly and looks up at him. "I think I'm going to wait a few days. Do you think he'll ever talk to me again without the help of alcohol?"

"We can only hope."

And that's exactly what she does.


	4. Chapter 4

Her back presses against his as her eyes seek out enemy forces in the dark. This was Sheldon's turn to participate in one of her post break-up adventures and he brought her to play laser tag. There were technically no teams. Every man (or woman) for themselves. But Sheldon and Penny had agreed early on to fight together against common enemies.

Aim. Fire. Target destroyed. It was just that easy for them.

So maybe it wasn't entirely fair that 70% of their opponents were under the age of fourteen. But, they were fast and pretty lethal for kids. Penny and Sheldon both had killer aim, and more importantly, they were completely ruthless. When Penny was in battle, there were no rules and Sheldon played by the same philosophy.

"Penny, I believe a group is amassing on the other side of that wall to take us out. You take the left side and I'll get the right?"

"You got it."

"Do not attack until you see my signal."

"Wait… what signal?" Penny turns to face him but he's already running off to his corner while she's wondering how she's going to see his stupid signal in a mostly dark room. She runs to her assigned corner and lets her eyes dart back and forth looking for more middle school kids to shoot at.

She spots Sheldon and he has his gun in one hand and is using the other one to alternate between pointing and flapping. Penny gives him a look like he's insane and puts her free hand behind her head to make bunny ears. Then she puts her thumb on her nose and waves her fingers at him.

Penny can see his face just well enough to see he is displeased. He points at her, then to his right, then back at her again so she gives him an okay sign in return. It's not her fault he's so fun to mess with.

They attack the enemy fortress in unison and take out six teenagers and a couple of guys in their twenties. They start to scatter so Penny chases them in one direction while Sheldon runs in the other. She is 99% sure he is yelling some sort of Klingon victory cry as he chases two of their opponents down.

The end of this session is coming up so she hurries to get a few more hits in before the lights go back on. Right before the lights go up someone runs past her so fast that it's a blur and she shoots at it without pause.

Penny is a little out of breath as the voice on the speaker tells them to go back to the lobby for their scores. It's not the same as bungee jumping, but it helps her get out a hell of a lot of aggression she didn't even know she had built up.

She spots Sheldon in the lobby immediately. He's staring at the video screens waiting for the scores to appear with a grimace on his face.

Penny practically bounces as she heads over to him but he is definitely trying to avoid eye contact.

"How do you think we did?"

"You shot me."

"I did not."

His head turns slowly toward her and she's suddenly reminded of how damn tall he really is. "Yes. You did. Right at the end. You shot me."

She attempts her most adorable pout, but Sheldon is mostly immune to that behavior.

"I didn't mean to. I just… I got caught up in the moment. I didn't even know it was you. Come on… after everything you've done for me this week, do you really think I'd betray you in the heat of battle like that?"

Sheldon furrows his brow and then nods. "Fine. I will categorize it as friendly fire. An accident. This time."

Just as he looks away from her, the scores come up on the screen. Penny gets first place, beating Sheldon by only a hundred points. She refuses to say out loud that it's probably the points she got for shooting him that put her over the top. He probably knows anyway.

"Congratulations, Penny."

"You too, Sheldon. Hey… you know what I think this calls for?"

Sheldon looks at her quizzically. "I'm afraid to find out."

"A fist bump of celebration."

"I do not fist bump."

"Well, you're about to. Come on…"

She curls the fingers of one hand in to a fist and uses her other hand to grab on to Sheldon's. Penny forces his fingers into a fist as Sheldon glares at her.

"Penny, this is absurd."

"Just do it. It's fun. Bump it."

"No."

Her hand lets go of his but his fingers still remain curled. "Come on, it's the appropriate way to celebrate a victory at laser tag. Work with me, okay?"

Sheldon huffs loudly and then lightly taps his fist against hers. Her eyebrows raise and she looks up at him with dismay.

"That was the worst fist bump in the entire history of fist bumping. Put some feeling behind it."

"Fine."

He tries again with more vigor and the hint of a smile on his lips.

"YES! Now that's more like it. Fun, huh?"

Sheldon makes a noise that sounds almost like a laugh and Penny just adds it to the list of things she's pretty sure Sheldon never did until he met her.

"Did you know that laser tag was invented by the military in the 1970s for training exercises?"

From fun to know-it-all in 4.6 seconds. A new record.

"No, Sheldon."

"The first toy version of laser tag was the Star Trek Electronic Phaser Gun set which came out in 1979."

He really did know too damn much about everything.

"Oh hey… Howard and Raj are right over there."

She pushes him forward with a hand on his elbow over to where Howard and Raj are just finishing a spirited turn on Dance Dance Revolution. Howard jumps off and gives Sheldon the once over.

He laughs and looks toward Penny. "Congratulations, Penny."

"That obvious?"

"It's what I call Sheldon's loser stance. Unmistakable."

Sheldon has his arms crossed over his chest and responds with a pointed glare. Howard definitely called that one correctly.

"I barely beat him. Just don't ask for details. Next time, you guys should join us. It would be fun."

"Fun to get our asses kicked? No thanks."

"Not even if we promise not to shoot at you?"

Howard and Raj look at each other and then back to her. Raj shrugs half-heartedly.

"Raj?"

She locks eyes with him, waiting for a response. If she has to wait here all day, she's going to keep nudging him out of his shell a little bit at a time.

"Sounds fun."

His voice is quiet but clear. Penny practically knocks him off his feet as she punches him in the arm victoriously. No alcoholic beverage, real or fake, required.

Sheldon interrupts the moment by pointing off in the distance. "Penny, I believe I've found a game I can, as Howard would say, kick your ass at. Skee-ball. Right over there."

She puts her hands on her hips and stands as tall as she can, firing off her most intimidating glare.

"Oh yeah? You're on, Cooper."

Penny tries to hold back an evil laugh as they head across the arcade. Sheldon has no idea that if Skee-ball was an Olympic sport, she'd win the gold medal every time.


	5. Chapter 5

"So you don't think laser tag was anti-climactic after the bungee jump and the dancing?"

Penny hits the landing on the fourth floor just a few seconds before Sheldon does. She feels renewed, like each step has a little bit more energy in it than before.

"No way. It was the perfect way to end a perfect week. All that competition really helped me get out some anger and aggression."

"Good. I hope this week served its purpose. You don't feel the need to engage in 36 hours of – " he pauses, "sexual activity still, do you?"

She leans against the wall by the elevator and chuckles softly. Penny has begged him not to use the 'coitus' word time and time again and he's finally listened.

"No, I think I'm good. I just – I need to say thank you for everything you did this week. And thank you for getting Howard and Raj involved. I'm glad we can all still be friends even though Leonard and I aren't dating anymore."

Sheldon crosses his arms over his chest and looks at her with complete seriousness. "Now Penny, I know that I have become an important and meaningful presence in your life for the past couple of years and –"

At this, both of her eyebrows spring upwards instantly, but Sheldon barely notices.

"By extension, so have Wolowitz and Koothrappali. But what you may not be aware of is how integral you have become to our lives as well."

Her eyebrows return to their usual place and her gaze softens. "I have?"

"Of course. You spent time with Wolowitz this week and he didn't even hit on you once. I didn't think he was capable of that. Koothrappali actually had a real conversation with you without the use of alcohol. I've never seen that happen either. As for myself…"

She doesn't need him to finish because she already knows. Her arms wrap around his torso and he doesn't move at first. After a pause, he finally puts his hands on her back and returns the hug.

Penny backs away and smiles at him. "I probably should have warned you before I did that, but I just… thank you, Sheldon."

"You're welcome, Penny."

She's about to turn and head to her apartment when the door to 4A opens and Leonard walks out.

"Penny… uhm… Hello."

"Hi."

"Uhm…"

"So, uhhh… well…"

Sheldon rolls his eyes as he stands between them. "She's good, you're good, and I'm good. Okay?"

Leonard and Penny share an awkward smile and nod.

"How was laser tag?"

She grins and nudges Sheldon with the point of her elbow. "I killed him. And then I beat him at Skee-ball, and the car racing game, and the basketball game and…"

Sheldon interrupts, "I got my revenge though."

She bites her lip and bows her head in mock shame. "Air hockey. I suck at air hockey."

"It's true, Leonard. Even you could beat her at air hockey."

Leonard ignores the implied insult and just smiles and nods as Sheldon walks past them and in to the apartment.

"You let him win, didn't you?"

"I had to give the guy at least one break..."

Penny rocks back and forth on her feet as she looks at him. He doesn't look angry or heartbroken or like he's imagining ways to get her back. He just looks happy.

"Leonard… we used to say that we could always go back to being friends, right?

She chews the bottom of her lip nervously and it seems like an hour before he answers her.

"Yeah, we did and… I would really like that."

"Yeah?"

"Absolutely. In fact, Howard and Raj are coming over later for a Star Trek marathon. You should join us."

She puts her hands on her hips and takes a moment to think about it. "Which series?"

"Original."

"Okay. I'm in."

She feels like she needs to make some sort of gesture so she reaches out like she's going in for a handshake. It's awkward and looks even more ridiculous when Leonard almost reciprocates but stops before he actually gets there. They laugh together and it's just what she needs to feel like she can breathe around Leonard again.

"So I'll see you around seven?"

"Sure. Sounds great."

He walks past her and to the top of the stairs but pauses and turns back. "And Penny?"

"Yeah?"

"I think we're going to get through this. Don't you?"

"I know we are."

He smiles at her again before heading down the stairs and she stands in the hallway for a minute before unlocking her apartment door. Penny decides she has to correct her earlier statement. This right here was the perfect way to end a perfect week.


End file.
